I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize