just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
