i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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