3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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