last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
