I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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