I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
