We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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