so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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