in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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