he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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