Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
