I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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