Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
