He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
