so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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