I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
