i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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