He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
