Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
