Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
