Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
