my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
