He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
