I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
