i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
