I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
