this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
