Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
