She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
