Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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