WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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