We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
