This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
