If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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