i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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