id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
