Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
