somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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