If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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