So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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