Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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