I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize