I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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