i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize