hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
