i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
