I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
