Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
