Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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