what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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