our cab driver is having phone sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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