i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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