Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
