I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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