I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Randomize
