Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
