I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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