I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
