You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
