I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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