At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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