Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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