I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
