Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
