haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
