Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
