So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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