Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
