i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
