Moan for me like Helen Keller
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
