sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
