Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Mom said you looked used
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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