____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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