My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
