After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
